Woh kareeb ati hai tau Demaagh main Saw ka theme music chalta hai

It’s so unnerving, when you have to be polite to someone you don’t like. Especially if that someone pays special attention to you.

It starts with you helping them in their application to Cambridge. They lack confidence, you feel sorry for them, having no knowledge about them what so ever. You tell them that they should be confident in what they do, otherwise there is no point. And then yo carry on with your school work, staring at people, annoying people, all that.

Then about 3-4 days later, that someone adds you to their friends list on facebook. You unsuspectingly accept the request. She starts posting on your wall, thanking you. You are polite and reply saying “its okay”. And then suddenly she says “I love you for helping me”, and you are like T_T. You stare at the white part of the screen. If only she was a supermodel, then and only then was this kind of behavior would have been acceptable.

Before you know it, your bro with whom you pretend to be gay with likes the post. Later on sh adds “as a friend” in the comments, but the damage has been done. You think the worst is over, and get on with your facebook stalking, while the new House episode is on download, browsing through ‘digg” every once in a while.

Three days later, when you have forgotten about it all, she starts talking to you in facebook chat. You feel weary, remembering a warning from one of your other friends about how attached she ahs started to become recently, after a year of lying dormant in the middle of the crowd. She talks about random stuff, and its difficult for you to pay attention. And before you know it, when ever you show up on facebook, she is there, making her presence felt through all those wall posts, comments on everything on your profile. Its sad when you never sign out of your facebook account. No, that certainly does NOT mean you don’t have a social life outside your room. But it leads to people thinking that you are presently willing to chat. Incase of her, she just starts typing in uppercase, like the world is coming to an end. Imagine coming back from dinner, moving your mouse to let the screen show up, with your home page in the front, and 99 written in the red box, next to her name in the chat task bar. You call up the bro you pretend to be gay with, and scream at him (not before accusing him doing IT with his sister) as to what the fuck is going on.

And then all the friend advice starts popping up.
1. Start ignoring her;

2. Don’t start ignoring her suddenly, do it slowly;

3. Talk to her;

4. Block her;

5. Try putting in effort to like her;

And the Pulitzer winner

6. Fuck her. (In the guy’s defense, he was stoned)

On the other side, she starts getting more clingy, “I cant resist talking to you”, along with a few “I love you (AS A FRIEND)”. Yes that was a glimpse of her Caps Lock addiction. After a week of typing “yeah” in her chat window every 10 minutes, you finally see her writing something that will take your interest. She narrates a story of how her guy BFF dumped her, saying his girlfriend was in her school (he was from Head Start) and she didn’t want him talking to her. This led to her updating her status every half an hour, “subtly” hinting at how he might have been conceived. Obviously, the guy was annoyed, and needed an excuse for her to not talk to him. Instead of “breaking” her “heart”, he opted to lie to her, though he didn’t pull it off successfully. Atleast compared to you, he was free.

You have an epiphany, and realize that you are the head of the Journalism Society of your school, so you post up something about recruitment. Guess who is the first one to sign up? You remain calm, keeping your cool. And get her involved in the whole process. The downside, now you have to actually read what she types. Slowly, she starts getting on your nerves. And then, lying on your computer chair, legs resting besides the monitor, in the middle of the “V” pilot episode, the light bulb turn on above your head. You finally come up with your story. Blaming it on the your ex-friend, who is friends with her too, you tell her that you feel guilty for what you did to your ex-friend (when actually there is no way in hell will you ever admit you were wrong _ don’t worry, you weren’t wrong, your ex-friend just needed an excuse to be pissed at you) and wanted her and all her friends to hate your guts. So after actually talking to her for half an hour, you convince her to not talk to you for a month. You run around your room, jump on your bed, and do the Chandler Bing dance, ass shaking, arms moving and all.

The next day, your friend with whome you pretend to be gay with, posts something in your facebook inbox.

“Mehru
i cant get over him ):
help me !
Syed
So you like him?
Like a crush?
6:03pmMehru
yes
Mehru
he is the coolest person ever
Mehru
well it feels like i lost a part of me
Mehru
maybe
im not sure but he was the coolest friend ever
bauhat cool hai
seriously
Mehru
n dont copy paste this !
but i didnt want to lose him
i hate this
itz torture
unbearable !”

And before you know it, the whole school knows about it. =Z